Inner Child

Deep in my sub conscious there’s a child.

Like every child, he basked in the warm comfort of his mother’s womb as she nurtured him into existence. Until one day everything changed. He said goodbye to that cozy, familiar space and entered a whole new world of infinite possibilities.

But first, he cried. That’s pretty normal, I guess. Most babies cry at birth. There are definite physical reasons for it like the first breath of air in the lungs and the sudden change in light and temperature. Some say it’s the trauma of being separated from their mother for the first time. They all make perfect sense to me.

Then the fires of curiosity ignite and I can’t help but think there may be more to it. Is it possible that for a brief moment the newborn’s consciousness is still connected to the other side of the veil? A place they called home before they incarnated to this physical realm.

Maybe they still remember making the choice to come to this world to learn, grow and evolve their soul. The challenges they set for themselves this trip around may still be fresh in their memories along with the knowledge that the road could get bumpy at times.

You can’t blame anyone for getting a good cry out of the way before starting that kind of adventure.

In this child’s case I believe it was all that and more. On the first day of his journey, he parted ways with his mother never to see her again.

Try to imagine the effect that might have on an infant’s life. His mind may not be developed enough to comprehend the loss but true knowing comes from the heart. His heart now knows what it means to feel alone. If you looked into his eyes I’m sure you could see the uncertainty gazing back at you before making it’s long-term, sub conscious retreat.

Meanwhile, those memories of paradise, life on the other side and the reasons why he came here were already starting to fade just as designed.

He was adopted a very short time later. He never went through the trauma of moving from foster home to foster home. He never became part of a system that can be very cold and uncaring. His Angels were looking out for him. Two very special people gave him a real home and all the love he could possibly ask for. He was blessed. Through their years together there was never any question. They were by all definition his real parents. And like many children, adopted or not, it took a good chunk of his young life for him to realize and acknowledge that love.

Forty-seven years later those two loving souls are gone from this earth. His Mom having passed away only a few short months ago. The boy has become a man.

Thanks to a healthy curiosity, intuition and a best friend who can see beyond the veil, the last ten years of this man’s life have been filled with revelations, constant learning, changes, challenges and choices. He remained open to all possibilities and grateful that he had those choices. He started to remember his connection to all things. He knew there was a reason his soul chose to be here at this time and he believed he had discovered his purpose.

But with the recent loss of his mother, the child deep inside felt alone again. The uncertainty and sorrow that was tucked away all those years had returned. For most of his life those feelings went completely unnoticed. They surfaced only when a relationship ended and he found himself trying to hold on to something that was no longer there just so he didn’t have to be alone. That happened to him more times than he cared to remember. Not knowing why, he searched everywhere outside of himself for an answer.

The last four years were spent helping his mother cope with both physical and mental illness. She did the best she could to fight it but every year she got weaker. He stayed with her every step of the way doing the best he could while he himself went through monumental life changes. Towards the end he was so busy taking care of her and putting together the puzzle that would become his new life he didn’t see the signs. She was ready to cross over.

Sub-consciously he was in denial and didn’t want to face the fact he was going to lose his mom – again. But she knew her battle was over and she would soon be free. In the final days he and other family members sat by her bed, talked to her and prayed with her. She couldn’t respond but she knew they were there. He got a call early one September morning that she had slipped away peacefully in her sleep. There was some relief that her suffering was over. But more than anything there was an overwhelming emptiness and a huge hole in his life where his mom had always been.

He called friends and relatives and made all the arrangements. After the funeral was over, he set about the tasks of executor. He was still in a “get things done” mode. It would be months before the tremendous loss would crash down on him like an avalanche, knocking over trees and burying everything in its path.

The week he broke down was a gloomy one. It was February and winter had hit late. Snowstorm after snowstorm plowed through the Northeast. He cried on and off for days unable to move forward in any part of his life. The only person he could talk to about it was his best friend, Sharon. No matter what was going on in their lives, or the world for that matter, they were always there for each other. That was an unspoken bond they had.

Using her gift, Sharon had been sharing messages from his mom on the other side. Because of this he knew his mother had found peace. The image of her having coffee and catching up with old friends came up often and he smiled because he could picture it. But most of all she let them know she was there to help and support them both on their journey. Sharon reminded him that he could still talk to his mom. She would hear him. And if he listened very closely he could hear her answering.

He stared out the window at the ongoing storm. It had been snowing relentlessly the whole day. He held back his tears and asked his mom for help. He asked her why he was feeling so lost and alone. What was he supposed to do now? He asked her to show him what was next. He listened closely in the silence for minutes that seemed like hours. He didn’t hear anything.

Later that afternoon he was outside shoveling snow from the end of the long driveway. He paused to rest, leaning on the shovel and watching the flurries meander down out of the sky. In the distance he saw a large bird heading directly for him. It looked like a Blue Heron. They were a common sight and always came from that direction, following the river and flying low out over the lake to do their fishing. But the lake was frozen. It didn’t make sense. As it looped around his property, circling him below the tree line he could see clearly it was not a Heron. It was a Bald Eagle. Everything in the world seemed to slow down as if granting the bird safe passage as it glided overhead. He stood in awe watching the slow movement of its enormous wings and the deliberate turning of its head as it surveyed the area. It swooped down low enough for their eyes to meet and he swore he could feel the bird looking right at him. His eyes were glued to it as it left its circular flight pattern and continued to the North end of the lake. As it disappeared from view he could feel his mom answering him.

She had just given him an up close view of something rare, treasured and honored. She was telling her son it was time to take flight. Leave all doubts and fears behind, look into the eyes of that Bald Eagle and know it is your reflection.

All in all it was a very up lifting message. He felt the weight lift slightly but he was still weary and emotionally drained. He needed time to let it settle in. He needed sleep.

That night in a vivid dream, he saw himself in the back yard of a small white house with a screened in porch. He didn’t recognize his surroundings but for some reason they felt familiar. It was summer. He was sitting on a chair which was perched on one end of a see saw. Someone jumped on the other end and he was catapulted into the air. He waited for the fall back to the ground but it never happened. He shot higher and higher. He could see a whole town below him. The town also looked familiar but he couldn’t remember ever being there. Was it another dimension?

Now he was at airplane height. It was exhilarating. He smiled and took it all in like a little kid on a roller coaster for the first time.

Finally the upward momentum faded and he started to fall, gaining speed very quickly. After a short time it occurred to him he would eventually hit the ground. Shortly after that he realized he wouldn’t survive the impact.

He calmly said to himself, “This is going to hurt. I’m going to die.”

Still high above the land, his consciousness separated from the falling body and watched it’s continued decent. He saw himself hit the ground right next to the see saw that moments ago sent him skyward. He felt something break on impact. He heard a crunching sound. The odd thing was he felt no pain and no fear.

He awoke bewildered and began recalling the dream in detail. He thought about the eagle from the day before and made a connection. There was a second part to his mother’s message.

In the dream he saw the world from the eagle’s perspective. Yesterday the bird soared overhead looking down at a man shoveling snow. That man is gone now. He died when he hit the ground. And when he died he took with him all the uncertainty, sorrow and feelings of abandonment his inner child held on to for so long.

But another part of him watched the event from above, was aware of what was happening and was not nervous or frightened at all. This part lives on and is ready to take flight just like the eagle himself.

He had broken through a major barrier that was with him his whole life. It was an enormous shift. But the bigger revelation was this ~

We all have the ability to bridge the dimensions and hear messages from our guides, Angels or loved ones that have passed away. The veil that exists between the physical and the divine is only sustained by the energy that we put into it. As soon as we realize there is no veil, it disappears and the lines of communication open up. We just have to tune into the right channel.

I would not have come so far, so fast without Sharon. She is a grand teacher and a true friend. Our bond has lasted lifetimes.

Why do I bring this up at the end of the story? Because I think she was the one who jumped on the other end of the see saw.

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